Tag Archives: Rotationplasty

Waiting.

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Fifteen years ago today I was in a cold hospital, waiting to start 49 weeks of chemotherapy. If there was one thing that I got good at while sitting in the hospital, clinic, or that year, was waiting. Not that we ever get good at waiting, I suppose, but I did get more accepting of the reality that time moves as it does.

When I have been healthy in my life, time has flown. As soon as it gets hard, I have the flu, or I have a cancer check-up, I wait again. And it’s hard.

But I’ve learned, that the waiting can be a wonderful time to know myself, and to know Jesus. That while I want something I deem good to come, it is already here. If I’m waiting, I’m already running the race for Jesus.

And I’ve learned that chances are, the waiting is time for me to rest. So just like I rested before a battle for my life, I’ve learned to always wait, serve, and live.

I’ve learned we’re never really waiting – what we want, we already have.

His name is Jesus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozjzeQ9oiSM

…because love wins.

Heartbreak.

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New ThingsSometimes it seems like everything hard is happening all at the same time. Do you get that? Do you know what that feels like? When you lose someone?

When you lose yourself?

This has been one of those years. Not just a day, or a week. It’s been a brutal year. Loss of people, loss of places, loss of security, loss of knowing. I’ve been way way way down. I’ve cried more than I’ve ever cried. And I’ve learned again the beauty of coming up. I’ve laughed more than I’ve ever laughed.

I feel alive. More than ever.

Last night a friend of mine called me after having a hard week himself. He doesn’t really know it, but his own bright spirit in the midst of a breaking down is enough to remind me that I have climbed up the hill. That I have more muscle, and that while I’m not to the top of the mountain yet, that this climb is beautiful.

Heartache is a mountain.

And your heart is a muscle. I say that a lot, after hearing it performed live in a song with a friend who has also been through great loss, and I learned that it’s true.

Heartbreak isn’t real. Our hearts our muscles, growing stronger as we climb. They don’t ever just…break.

Today marks 15 years since the day I was told I had stage 4 bone cancer. I remember the day like it was this morning. My heart races when I think of it, and I remember how afraid I was. I thought my heart couldn’t possibly beat again.

But here I am, 15 years later, even after a rough year, standing, looking up at the mountain, and smiling as I take one more step.

Just let the light come in. I promise you deeply, friend…this is not the end.

…because love wins.

My leg, for you.

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I never met the man to whom I gave my prosthetic leg, but his name is Francisco. He lives in Nicaragua, and because I had rotationplasty, he was able to use one of my old legs to walk – all the way across the world. 

You know, we’re not made for anything but to hold one another up.

Walk strong, Francisco. It served me well – and now it’s yours. 

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…because love wins.

We need each other.

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Santcus Real and myself in 2009!

There is a song that I really love by one of my favorite bands, Sanctus Real. It’s called We Need Each Other. Here, have a listen:

The premise is basically that we all need to love each other. Never have I felt such truth than when I moved to a new city, with new people, and three children whom I knew well passed away right away. I miss them. I miss college. I miss my best friends.

But here, Jesus has provided. And He always will. And those people are always going to be important. And so will the new ones.

Here are the blogs of two best friends of mine. One old, one, new. Beautiful women.

I love you, friends. And we all need each other. Be vulnerable and let yourself love. Let it be real.

http://fondlynostalgic.blogspot.com/

http://n0tdepressed.wordpress.com/

…because love wins.

You are a beautiful thing.

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This is one of my favorite songs, forever, and for always. You are a beautiful thing. Because God made you that way. Accept it, and let it be beautiful.

…because love wins.

Your Heart is a Muscle.

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“It’s times like this you must be calm. You gotta work it out, make it stronger, try for me, just a little longer. You say love’s a fragile thing, made of glass, but I think your heart is a muscle.”

Our hearts do not just break. They hurt when they stretch, but they get stronger after that. Don’t you give up. You will not break.

Your heart is a muscle.

…because love wins.

How to be happy.

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1.      Enjoy simplicity.

2.      Smile as much as possible.

3.      Live for today.

4.      Love each other.

5.      Watch the sunset.

6.      Read hundreds of books.

7.      Listen to great music.

8.      Love yourself.

9.      Learn from your mistakes.

10.  Understand that no one is perfect.

11.  Eat ice cream in summer.

12.  Build a snow fort.

13.  Act like a kid again.

14.  Take nothing for gratnted.

15.  Live up to your expectations.

…because love wins.

Meet Kaden Tjossem.

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This is Kaden.

You may remember him from a previous blog post. He’s a very old 5 years old this year. I met him a little over a year ago, when he was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, the same cancer I had 14 years ago. The cancer is a rare form of bone cancer and resulted in us both having Rotationplasty.

He allows me the time to be a part of his life and laughs with me while we play. He fights strong, he’s kind, sweet, and loves his parents. He is a pro video gamer, and has learned to walk as well as me at the age of five. He’s the hero of many, and he is the version of honest that makes the world’s hearts smile.

This Thanksgiving, Kaden is still battling his cancer hard. After it came back, he told me that it was, and that he didn’t want to have to be in the hospital. He wanted to play with his puppy and be a 5 year old. I want that for him too.

You can join in prayer and encouragement of Kaden’s journey by following their new page on facebook: Prayers and Love for Kaden. Kids should not have cancer, and while we work on fixing that, let’s also work on making sure these families facing this atrocity never do it alone.

This holiday season, give your joy and prayers, away.

…because love wins.

*Kaden and I met through an organization near and dear to my heart, Brighter Tomorrows. Feel free to find out more about non-profit here.