Tag Archives: Cancer

Don’t ever let go.

Posted on by


Image

There are things in this life that were never meant to be gone. Sunsets. Ice cream cones. Funny pictures. Green grass. Lemonade. Sprinklers. Softball games. People. And apparently the show Survivor, but we won’t go there right now.

As I sit in my room in what still feels like a new city to me, I remember things to which I am not willing to say goodbye. They replay like I think they should on nights like this. Not sad, just…not here. Giggles in the solarium. Bike gangs. Sunsets on Garvin. Prayer. Deep, real, feeling. Sore hearts and many amateur photographers becoming famous. Laughing about how we have no idea what’s going on. (Like we do now…but we’re just not laughing in the same room.) The sunrise. Breathe. Maid of Honor wedding time. Walking into a house and knowing everyone…all over the city. Tears and laughter. And moments of divorce with parents and the way we were all together all the time.

It’s not that I can’t let go or move on or love what I have here, but it’s that I do not believe we were meant to say goodbye to things which once gave us such joy. Stay together. Make phone calls. Cry if you have to. Go to your new jobs and be “adults”. Laugh with new people and cry with new people and talk about the old ones forever.

But just don’t ever let go.

…because love wins.

Waiting.

Posted on by

Fifteen years ago today I was in a cold hospital, waiting to start 49 weeks of chemotherapy. If there was one thing that I got good at while sitting in the hospital, clinic, or that year, was waiting. Not that we ever get good at waiting, I suppose, but I did get more accepting of the reality that time moves as it does.

When I have been healthy in my life, time has flown. As soon as it gets hard, I have the flu, or I have a cancer check-up, I wait again. And it’s hard.

But I’ve learned, that the waiting can be a wonderful time to know myself, and to know Jesus. That while I want something I deem good to come, it is already here. If I’m waiting, I’m already running the race for Jesus.

And I’ve learned that chances are, the waiting is time for me to rest. So just like I rested before a battle for my life, I’ve learned to always wait, serve, and live.

I’ve learned we’re never really waiting – what we want, we already have.

His name is Jesus.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozjzeQ9oiSM

…because love wins.

Heartbreak.

Posted on by

New ThingsSometimes it seems like everything hard is happening all at the same time. Do you get that? Do you know what that feels like? When you lose someone?

When you lose yourself?

This has been one of those years. Not just a day, or a week. It’s been a brutal year. Loss of people, loss of places, loss of security, loss of knowing. I’ve been way way way down. I’ve cried more than I’ve ever cried. And I’ve learned again the beauty of coming up. I’ve laughed more than I’ve ever laughed.

I feel alive. More than ever.

Last night a friend of mine called me after having a hard week himself. He doesn’t really know it, but his own bright spirit in the midst of a breaking down is enough to remind me that I have climbed up the hill. That I have more muscle, and that while I’m not to the top of the mountain yet, that this climb is beautiful.

Heartache is a mountain.

And your heart is a muscle. I say that a lot, after hearing it performed live in a song with a friend who has also been through great loss, and I learned that it’s true.

Heartbreak isn’t real. Our hearts our muscles, growing stronger as we climb. They don’t ever just…break.

Today marks 15 years since the day I was told I had stage 4 bone cancer. I remember the day like it was this morning. My heart races when I think of it, and I remember how afraid I was. I thought my heart couldn’t possibly beat again.

But here I am, 15 years later, even after a rough year, standing, looking up at the mountain, and smiling as I take one more step.

Just let the light come in. I promise you deeply, friend…this is not the end.

…because love wins.

There’s nothing like us.

Posted on by

Justin Bieber recently released a new song. (They say it was leaked – but that doesn’t actually happen. People don’t just let songs slip.) It’s called Nothing Like Us. It’s about his beautiful-world-watches-us relationship with a stunning girl in new dresses and a boy in sneakers who wants to change the world. 

And I really like it. Probably my most favorite song he has ever written. It’s raw. It’s real. It’s beauty to everyone that watches this young man’s life.

I like it because it’s easy to covet the lives of celebrities. It’s easy to want to be them, and have the things that we see. It’s easy to want the lies around them of how happy they are. How beautiful they look with make up on and walking a red carpet. How put together they are when they sit down at night and wonder who they even are. 

What strange pieces of hope on which the world chooses to focus. 

But Justin, and most celebrities who stand their ground as firmly as possible are so special. They are God’s way of reaching into the hearts of 30 million twitter followers and share with them that there is human everywhere. That no one is super-human, and that no amount of money will fix what hurts in the world.

In fact, they show us that having the super-human life of Justin Bieber may be harder than our own. And that even if you’re Justin Bieber – wildly talented, and seemingly having “everything”, that you still deeply need to be loved. 

Heartache is real. Success is real. Hope is real. But His name is Jesus. 

And I love this song because it shows that Justin Bieber, just like all of us, are human. And we need Someone greater than ourselves every day, because we reach our ends. 

Take deep breaths and enjoy your day, friends. 

…because love wins. 

You are a beautiful thing.

Posted on by

This is one of my favorite songs, forever, and for always. You are a beautiful thing. Because God made you that way. Accept it, and let it be beautiful.

…because love wins.

How to be happy.

Posted on by

1.      Enjoy simplicity.

2.      Smile as much as possible.

3.      Live for today.

4.      Love each other.

5.      Watch the sunset.

6.      Read hundreds of books.

7.      Listen to great music.

8.      Love yourself.

9.      Learn from your mistakes.

10.  Understand that no one is perfect.

11.  Eat ice cream in summer.

12.  Build a snow fort.

13.  Act like a kid again.

14.  Take nothing for gratnted.

15.  Live up to your expectations.

…because love wins.

Meet Kaden Tjossem.

Posted on by

This is Kaden.

You may remember him from a previous blog post. He’s a very old 5 years old this year. I met him a little over a year ago, when he was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, the same cancer I had 14 years ago. The cancer is a rare form of bone cancer and resulted in us both having Rotationplasty.

He allows me the time to be a part of his life and laughs with me while we play. He fights strong, he’s kind, sweet, and loves his parents. He is a pro video gamer, and has learned to walk as well as me at the age of five. He’s the hero of many, and he is the version of honest that makes the world’s hearts smile.

This Thanksgiving, Kaden is still battling his cancer hard. After it came back, he told me that it was, and that he didn’t want to have to be in the hospital. He wanted to play with his puppy and be a 5 year old. I want that for him too.

You can join in prayer and encouragement of Kaden’s journey by following their new page on facebook: Prayers and Love for Kaden. Kids should not have cancer, and while we work on fixing that, let’s also work on making sure these families facing this atrocity never do it alone.

This holiday season, give your joy and prayers, away.

…because love wins.

*Kaden and I met through an organization near and dear to my heart, Brighter Tomorrows. Feel free to find out more about non-profit here.

I am thankful for backwards legs.

Posted on by

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njJUcTbR2SY

If you have not seen the Mayo Clinic educational video done about Rotationplasty which takes over the internet for all things Rotationplasty, please see it above.

When I had cancer, I didn’t have a video (nor very many people) to help me decide if Rotationplasty was good for me. But, when I started to re-learn sports and mentor other children with the procedure, I knew this had to change. So we made video after video. At Mayo Clinic, each patient facing this operation meets me, and is given a copy of this to watch on repeat. I get to be what I never had, for others.

Today, I often find messages from people all around the world in my inbox saying things like:

“It was your videos with the Mayo Clinic that convinced us rotationplasty was the way to go. Up until then we were (in our minds) sure that limb salvage was best, but after meeting patients who have had both and seeing your video, we knew in our hearts rotationplasty would allow our son a productive and active life. Thank you.”

Today, I am thankful for being alive. Thankful for Rotationplasty, and incredibly thankful to have the opportunity to walk others along the path I walk.

Appreciate your challenges today.

…because love wins.