Your letters sit with the pink bow on top of them, a few feet to my right. The room is finally clean. The laundry’s being done. Heading out the door on a Friday afternoon to sell chainsaws alongside my 57 year old best friend; father. You, and your facebook inbox smiles. You, and your email folders. Phone date tonight? Yes, please. New tires for the car, oh, we’d do that for you. Lunch warmed. Lunch eaten. Sun sets. Sun rises. Hugs in parking lots. Hospital rooms. Roofs. Fields. Airports. Garvin. State after state after state, after city, after seminary, after home, after college. There’s something to the core of that. There’s something that makes that 30 second hug hurt when it lets go. Even in the dark, we can still see the light.

There’s something there that we pound our fists to fight for.

Love, will keep us together. It’s gonna be alright. This is the first day of the rest of your life.

Be who you are. Let me see it. I’ll let you know me. The whole world will know that we’re not alone.

…because love wins.

My leg. Your hand. Your neck. Your arm. Your hip. Your brain. Your blood. Your marrow. Your toe. Your jaw. Your muscle. Your finger. Your lungs.

Your being.

This cancer is something ravaging. Never stopping, and pointed beyond the body, to the soul. It eats away piece by piece. In moments, some would say it’s been conquered. In others, some would say it’s been a losing battle. When I look into your eyes and feel the weight of the surgical waiting room, I think not on what it’s been. Not a fight we are fighting, but a mountain we are climbing. Upon this earth we won’t ever be able to reach the top, for there will always be the moment when the papers come in the mail, and there’s more to be checked for, where we’ll need a hand to hold as we meet a waiting room again. Did I win against cancer? No, I’m not sure I did. Did I lose? Well, not one of us ever could. Did it become a part of our lives, never to be removed? Did it become something that unites a group of people that we’ve never met but know everything about? Yes, it did.

Could we ever walk away? No, never, for it has become the reality we know. Something, to live for.

With your hands and feet and legs and muscles and brains and blood and marrow, we became a part of the same club. We walk, hop, wheel, and limp, united. Strong. Never alone.

And there is nothing that I would trade for the ability to walk in and know, I’m welcome here. Here, I’m understood.

The Little Rascals have nothing on this.

…because love wins.

A butterfly passes drifting outside my parent’s small home. The leaves rustle as a green notebook dotted in Words in which I find my future; my now. Every once and a while I sit down and play a certain song. It brings me back. It takes me forward. And it lets me see how far we’ve come. What love we’ve seen. What love we know.

You have a son, and a husband. And a home. And are proud to be a child of God.
You’re overseas. Touring. Learning. Becoming. I hope for you.
You’re fishing alone, and watching sunsets. You know you’re not normal.
You’ve moved south. Learned to listen. Went where called.
You’re letting God in. Over and over and over again.
You’re going back to the cancer. You’re getting up, and even smiling. Day after day.
You’re in my life. You know where you’re going. You know we’ll be fine.
You’re growing in confidence. Standing in healing. Knowing redemption. Slowly, but are.
You’re home with me. You’re leading me. You’re helping me. No more anxious. Always my best friend.
You hand me a Bible. You drive hours. You always have a hug. You run your business for Jesus.
You? You’re still recording, this time for me. You’re being everything your Jesus wants. And, you’ve become a part of this family.

You’re right, it really is the best group of best friends in all of the world. Built beyond us. Built Divinely.

“…Under the tree, You call us to be.”

Oh, Father, it’s how this has all come to be. The beauty is astounding.

…because love wins.

My God, how could we ever thank You, but with all of our hearts? And even that seems nothing enough. Yet, You call them precious, and enough to pour out. I long to give more, Abba. Add this to the eternity of reasons we need forever.

…because love wins.

You looked at me with that smoothie in your hand. “Where should we go?” Your voice was that familiar tone that makes me smile. “Wherever we’re led, I suppose. Let’s just see.” The smile of affirmation you shot my way sent shivers of life into my heart. Up the hill. Down the hill. Right. Left. Left again. Maybe another right. Every turn, just going where, well, we went. Past homes, and families. Couples walking, and cars puttering.

We made it to the bridge before we looked up with tears in our eyes. Could that eternity length painting be real? Could it really be for us? Could there really be the possibility that breathing into us was the Creator of all of this? The questions were without number.

The sun shone on your dark frames. That little black hat, definitely didn’t shield your eyes as you gazed. I gazed. Nothing should, from such a light. We got lost.

Lost in the moment.

“Rest, and I will supply…”

The corn field was perfect. The sound of the air, more beautiful still. The stillness of a smile. Just a smile.

Memories replayed in the form of soul moving memories within me. Silence. Ache. Dreams. Peace. Then there’s you. Here with me, in this. All else seemed to fade away as the notes and rays wrapped their arms around us. We hadn’t any words, as this quickly became a memory we knew we’d have to leave to the Divine to explain. There was nothing left to say. All was just as it should be.

The journey became one of peace, without knowing where we were going, but knowing that after it all, we’d end up at home, together. Everything is an metaphor. Everything, everything here, and there, wrapped within me, is a metaphor for hope. We chased the light. We had nowhere to go but to the light. It took us deeply within and without at the same time. It was what we longed for. We couldn’t seem to get close enough to the beauty. Yet, it was already surrounding us.

A fort. A tear. A video or two. Tens of photos. S’mores ice cream. Simple conversation. Big conversation. Ache. Joy. Laughter.

Everything, for hope.

…because love wins.

Deep breath.
See with clear eyes.
A gray sky.
A rainy night.
A brighter morning.
A new day dawning.
Deep breath.
See with clear eyes.
A man; 33.
Standing, walking, falling,
hanging.
Bleeding.
A gray sky.
A day dawning.
Deep breath.
See with clear eyes.
A heart broken.
A heart alive.
A heart tired.
A heart perfectly molded.
For that heart,
breathes deep.
and sees with clear eyes.
There is a hope beyond what
is here.

…because love wins.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” – Romans 12:15

Distance could never keep us apart, so today, I do.

…because love wins.

Daughter.
Sister.
Best friend.
Mentor.
Cancer survivor.
Amputee.
National speaker.
Student.
Employee.
Employer.
Dreamer.
Listener.
Motivator.
Leader.
Follower.
Writer.
Guitarist.
Singer.
Reader.
Manager.

I am many things to many people, but before anything else, I will forever remain a child of God, learning to love and be loved more each and every day, into eternity.

You are too.

…because love wins.