I am a music lover. In the house, in the car, singing even when my parents finally had to ask me if I could maybe just give it a little break after hours of me doing it. Lyrics are my favorite, as can be evidenced by my quoting them everywhere. But, I believe there’s reason for the effect music has on us. It moves into our hearts and minds in a way that most things cannot. It brings an understanding of our feelings and allows us to accept that when things hurt, or are fun, or are scary, that we aren’t the only ones in the world experiencing that as well. Many times in ways humans cannot. Many times in ways that remind us of what humans have done for us.

Today I was listening to my all time favorite songs on Spotify (there are like…400 of them) while thinking that three years ago this week Ray was planning to propose to me, and it reminded me of the goodness of this man in my life. He is my absolute best friend and makes me laugh more than anyone. He takes care of me and my amputee life in a very unique way, and adventures with me literally anywhere. But, what is most special about him is the moments he is there to see and hold my rare, vulnerable times.

I don’t choose to not be vulnerable most of the time. It’s just that in most parts of life I assume (and enjoy) leadership roles, and don’t like to focus on my own feelings (which has its pros and cons) in those spaces. But in the confines of our homes (or wherever we feel at home) we are all vulnerable, because we need a place to be. All that to say, when tears do come to my eyes, there is usually big reasons for it.

Children with cancer. Some extreme frustration with my prosthetic. When someone is mistreated. Loss of something more valuable to me than my words can speak.

A few times in the past month he’s come home to me sitting silently working and thinking. He has this look that opens my heart up and makes it safe all at once. And with just a hug, there is a place to let my heart break. He knows where I’m coming from, believes in where I’m going, but is silent and steadfast when there is no right thing to say and nowhere specific to be. Sometimes the in-between is the place where we learn the most.

Today, specifically, I am happy he proposed three years ago this week. I am thankful he understands my heart and encourages the quiet parts so well, and I am so thankful that he is there when my heart breaks. I’m thankful someone else also knows what makes my heart break and I’m so thankful it will always be him.

Love you, husband.

Introspective song of the day:

…because love wins.

I have a good friend who is 6 years old. in 2017 he had a rotationplasty surgery (RP) secondary to a diagnosis of osteosarcoma, an aggressive form of bone cancer, which is how we met. (Leg buddies for life!) He’s about to have his second prosthetic leg finished (because he’s a growing boy!) and took it out to the park for a trial run last night.

While he got stronger, the hinges on his old leg at his “knee joint” bent 45 degrees rather than the full 90 degrees that mine and other full-grown RP amputees have built in. In his new leg, he was free to bend it as much as he liked per the doctor’s recommendations. He was strong enough to give it a try.

From the park, I got a phone call from his mom letting me know that he had taken a spill at the park and that it felt to him like his ankle had overextended so they just reached out for my opinion. That, while not true in the sense that it would be permanently hurt his ankle, was something that happened because he wasn’t used to how much room he had to move. It just stretched a bit farther than it had before. Though, that extra stretch is something that would have to happen eventually. In this case it just happened faster than he expected, and it hurt.

Life is like that. Sometimes we are unexpectedly forced to bend more than we thought we could, and feel like we’re broken after we have. That’s not true though. We might just be sore from the stretching and don’t need to be afraid. Usually, as it was in my friend’s case, we need to stretch to grow into what we will become, and we need to learn that even though it hurts now, it won’t hurt forever.

Lesson: Don’t be afraid of the stretch you haven’t felt before. The pain is for a moment but the lesson lasts a lifetime. 

…because love wins.

Listening lessons are once weekly posts developed by something heard or experienced in the week before. They offer insight are based in my belief that we need to listen much more than we do in a world full of so much being said. It’s simple. Listen more; learn more. 

Dear Me,

You’ll be older one day. I’m writing from the future and you’re doing okay. Hold onto what you’ve got. Things are gonna change, but change is better than you thought.

Oh, and don’t keep people in your life who treat you like crap. And don’t lose sleep over them either. Never give up on the good that rests inside of you, and don’t believe the non-believers.

When life’s getting serious, just don’t take it so serious.

Your heart will mend.

Love,
Me

…because love wins.

Humans have a way of messing things up. Stick with me here.

I’m not saying that we’re all supposed to be perfect, or that we need to expect other people to be perfect, but I will say that when things tend to get really, really good, you’ll find people in one of two camps running there:

1. The best hearts of gold.
2. The egos that play the world like a violin.

I’m not aiming to be jaded here, but just want you to know that if you’ve loved something or someone with all your heart and someone else’s ego warped it all and took away the sparkle, you’re not alone.

They’ll be better days in the future and people will see the truth in the end. They always do. And, it’s time to be with better people. Not just people who want to make themselves look better. God only knows.

…because love wins.

Have you been praying, and you still have no answer?
Have you been pouring out your heart for so many years?

Have you been hoping that things that would have changed by now?
Have you cried all the faith you have through so many tears?

Don’t forget the things that He has done before, and remember that He can do it all once more. It’s like the brightest sunrise waiting on the other side of the darkest night. Don’t ever lose hope; hold on. And believe that maybe you just haven’t seen it yet.

You’re closer than you think you are…only moments from the break of dawn. All his promises are up ahead. Maybe you just haven’t seen it yet.

…because love wins.

Add up the small things and watch them grow bigger.
The God who does all things makes oceans from rivers.
So dream small…
Don’t buy the lie you’ve got to do it all.

One day at a time, live well.

…because love wins.