What exactly are we doing to ourselves, world?

Riots. Famine. Orphans. Greed.

What must God think when He looks deeply in compassion within His heart, at His children who have gone astray?

For we are all like sheep, and have gone away.

If only we would throw off all these things we do all day that distract us from His heart.

Then we’d know the completeness we think we’ll get by these distractions.

Let it go, world.

Remember why you live.

Let Jesus hold you close. It’s what He wants. And it’s what you want too.

…because love wins.

Yesterday, I had my thirteen-year-out cancer check up. That means, just like I’ve done for so many other days, I spent a day getting poked and scanned, and tested for various things. They’re not really sure what happens when someone has chemo for 49 weeks as a seven year old and lives to be twenty. Why? Because there haven’t been very many of us, so we’re kind of making waves in a new pool. I don’t mind that at all. What’s 5 more tests so that someone else can live from what they learn from me?

Beyond that though, is the fact that the waiting room outside a meeting with my oncologist is a less than calm place for a heart. I’ve had many years to practice staying calm, and not worrying. And I don’t outwardly worry. I smile, and read and talk with other people in the pediatrics section, and spectate on the walls, and mill through books. But, on the inside, I wonder and remember many times before when going in that room meant news that was not good.

After my name got called, I sat down, shook the hand of the resident that was on his rounds for the day, and we chatted for a while. He looked at me, and said: “Well, your blood pressure was pretty high.” I immediately got more hyped up than I already was. It’s an interesting thing, how when one is in a room waiting to hear if there’s something wrong with them, that they just can’t handle even talking about anything else that’s not right. I took a deep breath, “Yeah, that’s probably because I’m pretty nervous.” He just responded, “Yeah, I can’t even imagine.”As I sat there, I thought, “You know, sir, you probably can’t. And I’m so content with the fact that you can’t. I just never want you to be able to understand how hard I pray for a boring day when I’m sitting in a waiting room at the Mayo Clinic.”

In the last 13 years, I have come to appreciate the days of the expected. Because if nothing drastic changed, that means that I’m staying healthy, and alive, and that the hospital won’t be my home again.

I didn’t actually get the results for the one test I wanted the answers for that day, but I went home, away from the waiting room, and my heart slowed its pace.

This morning I got a phone call saying that I was completely healthy.

I just smiled. And smiled. And danced a little bit around my room. And was completely content with the rest of my day.

I didn’t do much. Just talked to a few people and laid in my bed for a long time.

Some would say that’s a boring day.

I’ve come to love the boring days.

Turns out any day I’m alive, isn’t boring at all.

It’s perfect.

…because love wins.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzE1mX4Px0I&ob=av2e

“You’ve got every right to a beautiful life. Who says? Who says you’re not perfect? Who says you’re not worth it? Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting? Trust me, that’s the price of beauty. Who says you’re not pretty? Who says you’re not beautiful?”

Sometimes, pop music can be cool. I won’t give credit to it very often, but then sometimes, there are songs that come on, that just scream what the world needs to hear in a way that they’ll listen to. So, above, is a summer song that I’d listen to with you, if you wanted to go on a car ride. I like the song for a few reasons. First, she’s beautiful. And, she’s just skipping along in the streets telling the world that they are incredibly valuable. And, she’s beautiful, actually not because her make up is nice or because she’s got a lovely dress on, but because her heart is fighting for something beyond herself.

In years of making friends, shaking hands, standing on stages, sitting in hospital rooms, and breathing deep at sunsets, I’ve had an immeasurable amount of time to see what someone believing they’re not valuable can stop them from doing. First, it stops them from smiling. And there are few things in life that break me more than a person who has them-self convinced that they have no need to smile. Any smile, I assure you, is one of the most beautiful things on this side of Heaven. More than that, once in a pit of lack of value, one cannot look beyond themselves. And when looking at oneself, there is no time to see the brokenness is every person all around them. Only when we look outside ourselves do we see the sets of broken eyes in other beautiful people that tell us we’re not alone. And, finally, when one believes they’re not valuable, they do nothing to help another, because they believe they can’t.

Let’s blow all that up with some truth, shall we?

You are incredible. The world is completely wrong in the way that they value worth, so whatever they said to you that keeps you from feeling alive, is probably wrong. You need no man to hold you to be beautiful. You need no woman to affirm you to be a provider to the world. You aren’t a mess. Your past is not too much for others to handle. You can try. You will fail. And then you will get back up. We all will. It’s what makes us human. You were not made to be like the people in magazines. Every pop song does not define what life is supposed to be. Alcohol does not fix anything. You can deal with what’s broken inside you. Because when the light meets the dark, it disappears. You can dance. You’re even good at it, because you are who you are. You were made with that color hair and that eye color, it’s striking on you, because it’s you. Stop trying to be someone other than who you are, because you’ll never be happy as anything else, because your pretending only keeps you from actually letting people love the real you. No one has the same standards for you as you have for yourself. You are responsible to live only to what God would have you live for. You are strong enough to say no. You are able enough to say yes. You will not falter and fail over and over again simply because you have before. Have some respect for yourself. You are not just someone’s dirt rag. You can smile when everyone is mean. You can hold firm when everything else is falling apart. Jesus will never leave you, ever. Driving the speed limit really isn’t that uncool. It’s actually right. You don’t need to spend money to keep up with everyone. They can stop spending it, and find the freedom you find in watching a sunset. Your gentleness is extremely attractive. Wanting something you don’t need and wanting it bad, is not good for your soul. Anyone who you should be with, will build up your soul, and will find Jesus in you as the most attractive part about you. Relationships aren’t a matter of choosing someone you choose to have for a while, but a matter of honor. Laughing at jokes is absolutely beautiful. You can run fast enough. You don’t have to make sure everyone else is happy all the time. You are hurting over the same things that everyone else is hurting over. Try hard in school. Learn everything you can, so you can help everyone else. You are valuable. Stop thinking you’re stupid. We all have all of eternity to learn. You don’t have to speak in perfectly painted elaborate sentences to be heard. I like your corny jokes that you make when you’re comfortable and are letting your soul be alive. Everyone does, because that is Jesus for them, in your honesty. You don’t need to be trapped in things that aren’t fun, because everyone does them. You aren’t a failure, ever, just in case someone lied to you about that before. Please, don’t date someone that wants more than they give. You’re worth more than that. It is not your job to do anything but abide and know Jesus. Jesus, He thinks you are so much more incredible than you think you are. He knows what you did, and will do, and simply wants to save you from the things you do that you do because you think that you must because you think you’re not worth anything more. Stop it. Breathe. Smile. Dance. Dream. Listen. Laugh. Try new things. Do all the cliche things that everyone in high school was afraid to do and deemed “uncool.” Travel, and answer your phone, and call people, simply because you can. You know, they probably really want to talk to you. Because someone reaching out to them makes them remember that they’re beautiful. You speak loudly when you’re silent. You don’t really have to hide behind your arrogance. You can talk about what’s hard, and find a life you’ve never had before. Your pride is the only thing that keeps people from helping you. Remember, you’re not weak when you need help, you’re human. And are beautiful. It really doesn’t matter what people say, when you’re living it right.

You’re right. You’re not perfect. You’re imperfectly perfect, just like the rest of us. Give yourself a break, and know…

You are so full of worth.

Their opinions are all nothing compared to the truth.

Thank you for being here.

…because love wins.

I have one more semester of my undergrad study left.

What is it about time that seems to change when something is ending? All of a sudden, when the end can be seen, one freaks out as though time sped to erase things so much faster than we ever could have moved the pencil to write what had happened. Immediately, all the challenges are worth the things that made us smile. And we thank God for what happened, and want nothing to change, just as we were getting used to this thing that used to be a “change” for us.

I think back to my first days at Fall Retreat, and the time I first shook my best friend’s hands. I think about those nights with the laughter, and every single time we climbed those stairs to the 3rd floor. I think about the heartache and the tiredness, and the way our adventures always pushed something great out of each other. I think about how you would never have let me settle for anything less than best, and I think about the beautiful sky that we always saw from up on those cliffs. I think about the snow in that courtyard, and that night that we ran in the dark for hours until we just couldn’t any more. I think about the night we threw each other in the snow for hours until we were so cold that we had to go in the house and watch a movie with hot chocolate. I think about your kindness. Your boldness. Your gentleness. Your ability to change anything. Your eyes of hope. Your smile.

And I think about how thankful I am that years ago, I learned that time will always feel this fast. I thank God that I remember my first steps, and I thank God for the times I fell out of trees and was tackled in football. I thank God for the first fish that I caught, and for the nights of mosquito bites and long hugs. I think about the times we flew our kites until we were sunburned. I think about the nights in the hospital, ready to throw up at any time. And, I think about how I knew then, that it would go fast.

These days, I remember to take it slow. Not that I don’t move with initiative, but I am not wrapped in the days months from now. I think about one day at a time when we will sit up too late and talk about everything and nothing. I think about the way that we’ll grow more in love with God’s Words every day, and how we really will change the world. I think about the wonderful things that we will see, and the nights that will hurt us in compassion. And, I smile. Because time will go fast. And we know this, because we have learned it in these moments in our lives. And I smile, because love makes every day remind us that there is an eternity ahead of us.

I am the second. He is the first. And He is with me even until the end of every age.

Let’s live.

…because love wins.

It’s an eternal gift for God to share with one someone else who reminds them that life is something to always be excited about.

Thank You for sending gifts.

Thank you for being one.

I’m so excited. 🙂

…because love wins.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHCrFA2X26I&feature=channel_video_title

Today, I listened to a local Christian radio station for the better part of ten hours while I worked in the sunshine. As I turned and looked around me, I saw the flat farmland of the upper American Midwest. The sky was blue, not gray with smaug, or smoke from a recent terrorist attack. I heard the neighbors playing in the back yard with their new dog, and there was a kitchen full of food for me to eat whenever I wanted it. I was free to listen to my radio, and I was free to lay on the deck of my family, and I was free to breathe and dream of greater opportunity. Because this is America, and that is the life we are blessed to have. It’s what we take for granted every day.

As the afternoon faded on, the topics on this station ranged from athiests upset about the addition of a cross made of rubble being added to the 911 memorial, holiness and purity in Christian life, and the weather,  to the ever changing American economy. I was reminded again how everyone has an opinion on the matters of Washington. There is always someone to blame, and there’s always someone with no right solution. There are people to argue with one another, and there are citizens who will speak about how they don’t have enough.

Look around us. Wherever you are in America, you have more than enough. I can promise you that.

1 Corinthians 6:20 says that we were bought with a price. That price was the blood of God’s One and only Son, Jesus Christ. He’s the Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end. He looks at me in my death and calls me into life. He’s my protector. He’s my adversary. He’s my future and my past. He’s my hope, and life, and light in the darkness. He will never leave me without hope. He has given me life, and life abundant, and He has sacrificed, to save me, and to tell me that I am dearly, dearly loved.

And then there’s America. At the discussion of a default of 14 trillion dollars of money that was in truth, stolen from others, I can only stop breathing at what God must see when He looks at this country. I listened to democrats fight republicans, people cling to their money tighter than the morals they threw away years ago, and my heart broke. Because we, as sinful people, have wrecked what was so beautifully given to us. We think that our money is our life, and we think that our lack of ethics and honor for our Father will lead us to the dream life we want.

Most would say it’s unfortunate, (I beg to differ) but at a very young age, I learned the pain of a heart break. I lost a leg. My hair. Days of my life in a hospital. Best friend after best friend after best friend. And it hurt me. But I didn’t pay anything for those things. I didn’t buy any of those things at a price. They were given to me, freely, so they could leave freely. And yet, I was broken hearted over it.

I wonder what God’s heart feels like.

I wonder how He can chase forever such stupid sheep that have left him for such garbage.

How He bears the pain of those He was willing to give all for.

And as my eyes fill with tears, I see that we, as a country, will either fall hard, or we will be taken back to the contentment of His heart, when all the things our debt has padded us with are taken away. It could be hard for a while. They say it could be as bad at the Great Depression. Should we have seen it coming? Yes, absolutely. Are we ready? Maybe not.

But what is God ready for?

To have his children back. So that for a moment, His heart won’t have to shatter over us all.

This is not an economic matter. This is a Jesus matter, in ever single wordly heart.

I’m excited for America’s future. Because as life fails on earth, it will only give way to His children learning life eternal. And that is all that we live for.

Praise the Lord!

…because love wins.

There are days that appear with the crashing of a train that creeped in like a kitten at their start. They were soft as the sun rose, and as the ground was covered with a glowing light that made all things seem easy to see beautiful. And then, out of nowhere, the sounds get loud, and one finds that they are standing before the rushing of something they cannot grasp. It speeds by and the watcher becomes all too overwhelmed too fast by what was once so easy to grasp. But this too, is fascinating. It’s moving fast, and it’s making so much clamor, that one wishes to see how close they can stand to it, before falling. At the edge of the tracks, they can feel the air, and know the friction with the ground, yet, they do not fall in the midst of the speed. It’s a challenge, as they are pushed back. The tears start to fall and they long for the beauty again. But they know that in these moments, they have not fallen, because they have grown stronger. And this is where the pessimists are divided from the optimists. When they realize that the beauty isn’t always in the simple, quiet things, but also, that there is such beauty in the breakdown.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89JCbsUDVUE

…because love wins.

March 11, 1998: “You have stage four bone cancer.” It all crashed down around us. We begged for the blue sky, and we longed to be able to be home and just sit and admire the grass again. I couldn’t walk. And the pain in my leg left me with nothing to say to anyone that would make any sort of sense. I begged in the depth of my soul for my heart to keep beating. I just wanted breath on my lips. I wanted immediately to do everything that I hadn’t even dreamed of yet. I wanted to run and dance and graduate and get married. I wanted birthday parties and to ride my bike. I wanted to fish and teach people about Jesus, and giggle, and cuddle with my daddy. And I wanted them to take the words back. I wanted the tragedy to go away, and I wanted to return to the life that I had. I promised myself then in the depths of me there, that I would live every day never forgetting how terribly I wanted life that day. I can’t not want life. None of us can’t not want life.

It’s all going to end someday. Please, just live it all now.

The tragedy will teach you, it’s all so much more beautiful than you let yourself know.

…because love wins.