The fire’s crackling. We’re 64 and 62 respectively. The snow is soft, and we’re just here. All walls down. All hands resting. All hearts at peace.

The silence that we’ve known for nearly 40 years now is welcome here. It’s a language we speak well. My mind shoots back to a night in the solarium. You with those dumb headphones on, and adding comments to my tired self trying to speak. I’ve always been the youngest one, and never had anyone who looked up to me to grow up with. But, we grew up there. Our eyes always said the most when it came down to what we needed to say to each other. It’s no different now. When we needed someone to just sit and whisper something with their existence, and when we wanted to be alone, and when we needed someone to say the thing that wasn’t what we wanted to hear, but always what we wanted to hear, that’s what we were for. It’s the same. But some things are so different. You’re more alive than you were then. You’ve shared words and been ripped apart. You’ve watched people die and people live not in the earthly sense, but that too. You carry yourself confidently, and you are so captivated by a Jesus that the world hasn’t even heard the voice of, to a point that you cannot even bear the idea of saying “no” to Him.

I laugh. I mean it. You laugh. You mean it.

A sparkle almost flows from all the things that move out in understanding around us. Wherever two or more of you are gathered, Jesus is. Yeah, that’s this.

The night passes, with the conversation moving from adventures to lines of people that we don’t even need to finish the names of to understand what is being spoken about. And, I realize why you changed my life again. Over and over again, people told me that they wanted to be with me and I didn’t understand why. But the day I shook your hand, I realized that I wasn’t alone. You understand so much more than you’ll let yourself. You’re so much bolder than you know.

And, my eyes, teary at this point sparkle in the firelight as you say to me: “Just say it,” not even looking at me.

“Thank you, for letting me watch you become.”

That’s what I see every day. You becoming all that you should be. You realizing the hope that’s alive in you.

That real love isn’t even ours. That real love drips blood of white, and keeps us together forever.

I love you.

…because love wins.

I consider all things a loss to knowing (the greatness) of Christ Jesus.

I can’t even keep myself.

The outward things we can do away with; the cars, the homes, the food, even the people. And we remain comfortable. But He didn’t ask only that of us. He asked for all of us.

He asks me to treat my body as the temple of the Lord. He asks my heart into reckless abandon. He wants my hands, my feet, even a prosthetic. And this is all so seemingly difficult to do away with.

We’re torn humans. Hearts after the Divine; it remains our only source of perfect love. And still we want after other things; we want people and their affection. We want to wallow in the agony that death in sin has created. We don’t want to be pushed, for our frailty may make us look a fool.

But what I find in every day is a new freedom beyond this cage the earthly ways have created. Deep within me I long to know a Jesus of pure joy so wide that I can see beyond the other side of me. I long to see the Jesus alive that moves my useless human hands to give back all that was given to me.

Who am I, that grace would be given to me? I live with a Jesus; not a man of sorrow, but a God that has already overcome the world.

Let me know, how You made me free.

…because love wins.

It seems too deja vu, as the gray captivates me this snowy afternoon. It’s so many things that I can’t say. It’s a whole bunch that I can, but really more than anything, I just want to know love, and act in love. For love, well, it’s the only thing that lingers on. Little boy, I love you very much. We’ll live everything, ok?

…because love wins.

Have you laid to hear the wind blow?
Do you hear the whispers of things unknown?
How long has it been since the rain made you breathe in?
What if you didn’t care if you were here to win?

The sky.
An eye.
The nothing.
The something.

Each one whispers in its own fashion.
If we care to listen, there, we’ll find passion.
For it’s not about fast walking.
It’s about stopping the talking.

What I say I can’t explain.
But I can tell you it’s a quiet that will silence your complaints.
Because it once was a quiet world.
And, the stories of those days have become old.

Someone it seems, stole this precious gift.
Replacing it with clangs, and bangs, and vocal spits.
We’ve forgotten the words of our crafted souls,
Listening instead to fools talk of gold.

But what if we found what has been taken from us?
Would we breathe for a moment; just long enough?
Long enough to remember that we’ve been set free?
Long enough to reach out and touch the life on His tree?

Someone stole the silence.
That oh most perfect gift.
But this thing taken.
Still exists.

So because away you took it.
Ask to have it back.
It is still held.
Still always, it waits.

What was that you say?
You know the way?
Well how do you know?
You heard?

Where?

from peace.

Love, hurry, remember as you once did,
to listen again; to marvel at the wind.
Not to clatter, for it is nothing but noise.
For life, instead to the silence that is Wisdom’s voice.

…because love wins.

Never get good at letting go. Never let it not hurt when you’re not together. Know that it’s right, yes, but love. Love deeply enough so that your heart will break each time you have to let go.

That’ll move the world.

…because love wins.

There’s a line in my favorite song of all time that makes my heart take a breath each time I hear it.

“When we look inside, we say, ‘Where and when and what to do?’ ”

It reminds me that we’re not created to do this alone. It opens my eyes over and over again to the understanding that each of us has our own set of those questions, relating to something. They always exist. They rarely make sense. I’ve come to see that the most delicate of things in our lives will ask us those questions. That our souls ask over and over again about the things that most hold us. The moments that made me cry, and those that made me laugh until I cried, hold me asking. Over and over again.

This is not all without it’s cause, simple heart. Why do we ask? Because we’ve experienced. Where do we go? Where the answer is. When? Now. What to do?

Know that Love is always the answer, and it will never leave you alone.

…because love wins.

I sit in the hands of the One that is merciful to me. There is no person, no piece of accomplishment, no number of hearts changed that is going to suffice this longing deep within. It begs beyond my humanness to always be made new. It hopes in the darkness and asks for guidance even in the light. It breaks down and breaks down and breaks down as a cracker might on a hot summer day. I am so nothing the midst of it all, and yet, beyond all that I think that I face, and all that I think that I could in some way shape with my own hands, and all that I see and fear, and that could ever keep me thinking late into the night, You, You tell me that you are greater, and that You have chosen to work through me. That I may need to do nothing, but to keep my eyes on You in all things. I am seemingly, blinded by Your light so much that my heart cannot see anything else but that bloody white cross on Calvary.

You have my attention.

…because love wins.

I just finished a book called Let’s Roll. It was written by Lisa Beamer, the wife of Todd Beamer, a passenger on United Flight 93 which crashed into the Pennsylvania meadow after being hijacked by Islamic terrorists on September 11th, 2001. Todd, at the age of 32, was among the passengers that stopped the plane from reaching Washington DC, were it would have taken countless more lives. His third child, a little girl, was born 4 months after he died that day.

It’s a story of grief. It’s a story of loss. It’s a story of hope. It’s a story of life.

As Lisa shared her heart on the pages of this blue hardcover bound book, I couldn’t help but relive my moments of that day. I sat in a comfortable, safe 6th grade classroom in a small down in southern MN. My friends and I watched in disbelief as we feared what was going to continue to happen, that day, and in the future. We saw buildings crumble like tissue paper, and we saw grief painted all over the familiar banner of CNN. We watched hearts break, and even at our age, couldn’t understand why something of this multitude would happen.

But what is more; we saw hope. We saw a country united, and we saw Americans stand, for the first time in a long time, for the words: “In God we trust.” We saw efforts of people like Todd Beamer in a great way light up the darkened smoke of the New York skyline.

Lisa wrote about her two sons, as well as the heart of her husband. She didn’t lie. She talked about how they struggled. She told of their humanness, and the greatness of God’s mercy in their lives. She talked of Todd’s humility, even as a successful business man for the Oracle corporation. I felt as though in those pages, I too, got to know her husband. In the wake of September 11th, all changed for this beautiful woman, as it does whenever someone we treasure leaves this place. No credit can be given to Lisa in those days as she met with American dignitaries and made her children food. She loved, for she was first loved, even in the midst of such sorrow. Even in the midst of never being able to live each and every thing her and her charming husband had planned on living.

She could not take her eyes from the cross, for it was all the hope she knew. It was the only way to take another step. She spoke of how in her husband’s last words that Tuesday morning, were of love, for his family, and for his Father. Before making an effort with the other men and women on the plane to storm the terrorists and stop the events from furthering themselves, he prayed the Lord’s prayer on the phone line with a woman on the ground who was able to receive it when he dialed asking for help.

I can almost hear his words with the hum of the jet engine rattle laid behind them, in the clear blue sky.

“Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy Kindgom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory. Forever and ever, Amen.”

Todd kept his eyes up, even as the plane was going down.

What astounds me here, as it has in every moment I have walked death in my life, is the incredibly reality of Jesus in those moments. There is not, and will not ever be anything else in life that will stay forever. All else can be broken, and all else can fall. It was stated best in these words in the book:

“Think about it: the World Trade Center represented economic power, success, and security, yet it was shaken and destroyed in one hour or less. The Pentagon is the symbol of our nation’s military might, yet it too, proved vulnerable. Where can we find true security in these days?

“The men and women in the Trade Center towers, the Pentagon, and aboard the four hijacked planes were some of the best our nation had to offer. They were the picture of intelligence, energy, and power. Yet their best wasn’t good enough to keep the enemy from attacking, maiming and killing several thousand people.

“But I have found safety and security in a loving Heavenly Father, who cannot be shaken, who will never leave me or forsake me, and in whom I can trust completely. For those looking for hope, I recommend grabbing the hand of your Heavenly Father as tightly as possible, like a little child does when with his parent. God is a hero who will always be there when you need him.

“It’s true that Todd and the other heroes aboard Flight 93 gave their lives that others might be saved. But if somehow they had known what was awaiting them, and they had been given a choice early that September morning, I doubt that any of them would have boarded that flight…they didn’t want to die.

“Yet there was one who came to earth, knowing ahead of time that his most important purpose in living would be accomplished only through his dying. He knew throughout his life and at the height of his career that no matter how well he performed, nor matter how many people he helped, he was destined to die – to give his life so many others may find true life, abundant life here on earth, and eternal life to come.

“He really didn’t want to die either. In fact, as he prayed in the garden of Gethsemane, just outside Jerusalem’s city walls, Jesus begged God, “Father, if there is any other way…let this cup pass from me”…even knowing all the good that was going to come as a result of his death, he prayed three times to avoid it.

“Finally he said, “Not my will, but yours be done.” That was God’s plan.”

Lisa recalls this song being one of impact in her life, as it was sung at Todd’s memorial service.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2lGFkKJYRw

If it weren’t for the love that came and died, we would never know love enough to care to lay down our lives for others. We wouldn’t know love enough to want to go home as those passengers that fought to stop hijackers that Tuesday morning in 2001 did. We wouldn’t know love enough to miss those who are not here anymore. And we wouldn’t know love enough to know that we will not be here forever. That we mourn, but we mourn with hope for eternity. Here, we will live forever in the midst of happiness and sadness. We will be torn as to when to morn, and when to rejoice for those gone before us. But, this too, shall pass. And, in the blink of an eye, forever, we will weep no more.

Todd Beamer, Lisa Beamer, all who have told the story, all who have died in my life, and all who continue to live, thank you for giving to the Lord. This is a life that was changed, not because you were heroes, but because you openly needed the One True Hero that has saved us all. You are His tool to teach us to look up. I can’t wait to share forever with you.

But, for now, we’re here.

So let’s roll.

…because love wins.