You sat in your chair; the one that you’ve loved to sit in for years, in front of the windows, with that tree that’s been there since my sister’s birth twenty five years in the past, rustling right behind you. Life seemed to flash within me.
You’re everywhere in this place. It seems to be your pride, for you’ve built it from the bottom up. It’s been new windows and kitchens and carpet and TVs. It’s been tears at the top of stairs, meal after meal after meal in right off the deck. It’s been your anxiety attacks, and watching you become more like Jesus. It’s been your dreams for us, and fashion shows and vomit clean up and washing walls. It’s been movie nights and hugs on evenings of wonder. It’s been rainbow watching, and fishing line untangling, and the looking at of photos. It’s been nights of laptops and Hallmark movies. It’s been your always kisses goodnight, and your always rampant joyous good mornings. It’s been listening in on phone calls, and not taking some. It’s even been the chicken pox and chemo fever nights and the family meetings to discuss all things life. It’s been firing, and hiring, and apologizing, and becoming. We’ve laughed until we’ve cried. We’ve cried until we laughed. And even today, you want for me nothing but the best.
Your eyes sparkled as I remembered you sending me off to college. I wasn’t like most people. Didn’t need to run far from home, and didn’t need to say goodbye. Wanted home to be where I was, and made phone calls every night. You emailed me every other moment, and we grew closer as you told me how proud you were to watch me live. I was getting wings, but it’s your roots that made me fly. Two years later, I still never want to say goodbye.
You decided it was time to tell me about where your money and life insurance is dealt with. How to sell the business, and tell me that you’ll kill me if my sister and I argue over lamps. You tell me to go here and there and talk to these people, and I listen with intent. But, there’s something in me that wouldn’t believe it. There’s no way that some day I’ll be here without you, is there? Without my cheer team, and my crying shoulder? And without my answered phone calls and always someone pushing me to be bolder? There’s no way that there’ll be a time in which we’re not always just a car ride away? How could that be? You built the house that built me.
We don’t know when you’ll leave, and that’s so much more than ok. But, it’s incredible to look back, and realize that someday, it’ll all change. I know God will provide, but for as long as you can, stay with me and hold me. I don’t want to live life without these two best friends.
Thank you for teaching me to live in a way that makes you proud.
Thank you for telling me there’s nothing I can’t become.
Thank you for knowing my heart and telling me to get rid of my terrible habits.
Thank you for knowing that I get grumpy when tired, and need nothing but ten hours of sleep to beat it.
Thank you for the work ethic, and the way that I can’t explain why you’re a part of me.
Thank you for holding my vomit bucket, and petting me when my hair again you could finally see.
Thank you for calling too much. Nagging too much. Always making me dinner.
Thank you for being my employer, then teaching me that I am always a winner.
Thank you for pushing me, then holding tightly with a hand.
Thank you for driving too much, and for being everything in the silent spans.
Thank you for the car rides, the acceptance, and the dreams.
Thank you for always being sheer and real with me.
Thank you for holding my bike when the little wheels came off, and thank you for telling me at the stop sign means stop.
Thank you for holding my heart, and reminding me that Jesus always will.
Thank you for believing, and always chasing His will.
But above all else, thank you for being a part of me. I know beyond all things, together we’ll always be.
I love you, Mommy and Daddy, and will always be your baby girl.
…because love wins.