It’s quiet in this house for the first time in days. Clothes are ironed. The phone finally back on the hook. Lists are printed. What do do. Where to call. What to pack. Airline tickets are ready to be printed. Cash is in hand, and it’s all happening.
My mind settles back on the sixteen year old me. Three years ago. I know. Really, three years ago? I was a little more wild, but a lot less able to understand. I was learning to drive, and wondering with that, how long I’d hold my daddy’s hand. I had friends I thought would be forever, and dreams that sometimes scared me to the bone. I was learning the definition of “cancer”, and had to learn to let go. I opened the Bible only when I had to, and really didn’t know much of love. Thought a lot, but didn’t let my heart just explode. I made a lot of choices, that at the time I thought were huge, and I thought I’d take on the world, with everything that I knew. I had just gained a new brother and they got not long after, their first home. I was a terrible employee, and still liked to spend a lot of time in mom and dad’s abode. I wanted that car, and thought it could be mine. I had the world at my fingertips, and yet, still wanted to be inside the lines. There was a depth about me that gave me hope, and even when I convinced myself, I really didn’t know.
I got on a plane then too, for something I was told had been a big deal. I found passion in my heart there, and let go of so many fears. I watched speakers and evaluated, and couldn’t help but give my life away. I cried and cried and cried, well, because I needed things to go another way. I came home 5 days later and wanted to explain. I knew though, that I wouldn’t, I’d just give my life away.
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” -1 Peter 2:9
I remember the chants and the explaining, and all the nights that I sat in awe. I remember those words of Jesus, because for that week, they were my all.
I saw things change in me those days. In a way that still cannot explain. That depth became my heart, and the hope was no longer just in my mind. I listened to Him speak, and I became every day, more alive. The world I live in now probably can’t believe, but there was once a day, that I was far from who they know as me. I still have friends I want forever, and know Jesus will be the best. I’m still one who loves to be home, and I’ll always hold my daddy’s hand. I love to drive the car, but my freedom there doesn’t lie in. We laugh about how I know to work, but probably would never choose so to do. I fear less by not holding things in my hands, but never forget that I am only human too. I open the Bible a lot more, and always because I have to, eat the Word of life, and there’s life wrapped in the one I got there still. I still generally live between the lines, but there’s a freedom to them now, I didn’t lay them down; no, that was the higher Power. I don’t always care to figure it out, and I don’t want a thing to do with concern, and the hope that lives inside me has become my entire world.
So I get on a plane again, and this time on the wings of answered prayer. I’m a little deeper, a little wiser, but always just a little child, being made aware. I don’t know what the days will do, but I’m sure there are things that will change. I know that my voice won’t be my own, and every whisper I beg one of praise. Maybe I’ll cry, and I’m sure I’ll laugh to tears, just as it was, even back three years.
“So take a step little one, and forget not that it’s about Me. You have the time of your life, and I’ll set the captives free.”
Then I learned I was chosen. And here, I’ll proclaim I believe.
I love you Jesus.
Come, be with me.
…because love wins.